


i guess i've never known someone like you.

by unsaved_misc



Category: Video Blogging RPF, supermega
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Pining, Protectiveness, hand holding, insomnia mention, like hardly any angst, ryan thinking about how in love he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: ryan has insomnia, and ryan is in love with matt.
Relationships: Ryan Magee/Matt Watson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	i guess i've never known someone like you.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAGHHGH I WROTE THIS IN LIKE 2 HOURS!!! i'm really proud of it and i hope you enjoy! i'm considering a part 2 but that depends on future projects :))

ryan wakes up at 1 am with an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, and a burning drowsiness in his eyelids. it takes him a minute to recognize his surroundings, where he is and what he’s doing, and the memories of earlier come back to him. arriving to japan, neck pillow beaten to a bloody pulp after being on the plane for so long. picking up a good book while he listened to his friends drunkenly yell, watching matt stare at him lovingly when nobody was looking. stumbling back into the apartment, sleeping early to get up quicker, ready to tour a park with a lot of history. ryan groans, rubbing at his eyes. he wasn’t drinking, but he’s still uncomfortable, sleeping on a futon on the floor and his spine crying out in pain. and, also, he really has to piss. he blinks a few times until his eyes adjust to the dark, hearing the sounds of the city still prevalent outside. sitting up, then standing after the feeling of dizziness passes, he glances around the room.

it’s a living area conjoined with the kitchen, similar to his old apartment but much smaller. chairs are scattered around the room, moonlight peeking through the blinds and spilling onto the floor. and on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, is matt, sleeping soundly. ryan stares down at him for a moment, watching his back rise and fall under the fabric, and he has this strong, unexplainable urge to protect him. it happens a lot, maybe more than it should. it always comes out of nowhere, in the moments ryan doesn’t expect. they could be recording, a smile lingering on matt’s face, or matt could be talking about something he really liked, or matt could be drunk off his ass and clinging to ryan’s arm like his life depends on it. those times are the worst. all matt wants is to touch him and hold onto him, and ryan has to keep up a barrier. say ‘just go to bed’ instead of ‘i love you so much that it makes my chest hurt and i feel like i can’t breathe.’” he tries not to think about that shit, just go to sleep and listen to the light snoring of matt in the background. ryan leans down a bit, brushes matt’s hair back from his face, and turns to go piss in the tiny bathroom.

matt is on his mind, like he usually is. ryan stumbles into the bathroom, sitting down to piss and staring at the bathtub, thinking of how matt looks while he sleeps. the way his pretty eyelashes flutter against his pretty cheeks, pretty lips parted and pretty fingers twitching as they grasp at the pillow. ryan likes the nighttime, when he can let his thoughts wander, when he doesn’t feel guilty for wanting to kiss matt or hold him close. when matt’s awake, giggling or fucking with him or doing his own thing, ryan has to shut his thoughts down. he can’t, he just can’t risk doing something stupid. they’ve crossed barriers before. held hands, snuggled on the couch, even kissed. while matt would laugh and go back to mindlessly rambling, ryan could still feel the buzzing and tingling on his lips. he sighs, because he knows nothing will probably come from this. he’s had these feelings for a damn long time, so long that he can’t even decipher the exact moment they formed, so he knows the yearning will never go away. but, matt is his best friend. it’s probably very unlikely that matt would ever have reciprocated feelings for him, and ryan can’t even work up the courage to talk to him about it anyway. they can talk about most things, but not this. it’s a part of ryan that he keeps to himself, his own private oasis.

ryan didn’t expect to get so reflective and deep with his thoughts tonight, but shit just happens, he supposes. he stands up, flushing the toilet and hoping it was somewhat quiet, and goes to wash his hands. looking up in the mirror, his hair looks even messier than it did before he went to sleep, fly-aways escaping his bun. the circles under his eyes are dark, but not as bad as before. sleep has been an issue as of late. ryan lathers his hands in soap, running them under the cold water, soothing against his skin. he wishes he could fall asleep next to matt every night, let the boy snuggle up to his chest as he strokes his hair, but it’s just a wish, he thinks. he dries his hands and makes his way back to the living area, and the first thing he notices is that matt is shifting on the couch. not dramatically or anything, just stretching his legs and holding tighter onto his pillow.

ryan decides, ‘fuck it,’ and kneels down beside matt to watch him. a part of it feels creepy, staring at his best friend as he sleeps, but it’s relaxing to see matt so calm. it’s a strange dissonance to see such an extroverted, loud-mouthed person be so tranquil and still. matt’s hand twitches again, and a tiny noise escapes the back of his throat. ryan cocks his head, watching matt’s body language, and he can see the man’s brow is furrowed. odd. he was sleeping peacefully just a few minutes ago. ryan stays to watch over him, curious to see if matt is dreaming. matt shifts a little bit more, getting progressively restless, and ryan reaches over to grasp at his arm. matt lets out another noise, strangled, as if he’s in pain.  
“matt, wake up,” ryan mumbles, shaking him lightly. his voice sounds strangely loud even though he’s whispering, the quiet of the room seeping into his skin. matt struggles for a moment before he finally sits up, gasping for air even though he’d been breathing just fine. his pale blue eyes look panicked, his hands trembling, and ryan feels that urge to protect him again like a spark of flame in his chest. matt looks around the room, head turning like it’s on a swivel.  
“where...where am i-” he mutters, backing up onto the couch, eyes darting around the darkness. ryan reaches for him again, and matt flinches, seeing ryan in front of him for the first time.   
“hey, matt, you’re okay.”  
“b-but, ryan, i-”  
“we’re okay, you’re okay. we’re in japan, remember? the air bnb?” he stays quiet, rubbing circles into matt’s arm as he lets the boy think. matt looks like he’s thinking deeply for a moment, breathing heavy, before he starts to slowly nod.  
“oh...oh shit, i forgot.” he settles back into the couch, taking a deep breath of relief. “i’m sorry. i had a nightmare.” ryan nods, still rubbing his arm comfortingly.  
“you wanna talk about it?” ryan asks, chewing his lip.

matt considers it.  
“nah. no, i’m good.” he’s acting nonchalant, but ryan can see that he’s still shaking. “can we just...stay up for a little bit? i know we’re supposed to be up early but i really don’t feel like having another nightmare.” ryan nodded, and matt smiled a little. he pats the spot on the couch next to him and ryan joins him, slipping under the blanket matt had brought from home. ryan can remember watching matt sleep next to him on the plane, snuggled up in the same blanket and looking safe and content.   
“you were up too, i’m guessing?” matt asks, and ryan nods.   
“yeah, yeah. i’m having the stupid insomnia issues again.” ryan wants to shut down, not really willing to open up about his personal health to matt. he knows matt is supportive, that he’ll listen to everything, but then he worries over ryan and gives him this “look”, the kind of the look that says ‘i’m so fucking worried about you that it’s stuck in the back of my mind all day and night.’ ryan can read matt like an open book, and matt knows he isn't very good at hiding things. ryan manages to stay guarded, however. he could go through a horrific depression period and matt would be none the wiser. it’s unhealthy, ryan knows that, but he just wants to put other people first.  
“i did notice the bags under your eyes.” matt says with a frown, giving ryan “the look.” ryan feels a shiver run down his spine.   
“yeah. i just think clearly at night, y’know? it’s the one time where i really feel...i don’t know. concentrated. and it’s not like i can easily go back to sleep anyway.” he picks at a loose thread on his sweatshirt.   
“yeah, i get that. the only time i’m inspired to sing is at, like, 2 am. the tucker brothers clearly don’t appreciate that.” he smiles, and ryan feels warmth blossoming in his chest.   
“they all seem like they don’t get enough sleep either.” ryan joked, and matt nodded.

“yeah, i can see that. i don’t know, just...i want you to take care of yourself, ryan, okay? i care a lot about you and i don’t want anything bad to happen.” he grabs at ryan’s hand, and ryan feels himself blushing. ryan nods, knowing it’s easier said than done.  
“okay. i’ll try.” he says with a smile, and matt grins back at him. matt shifts, laying so his head is against ryan’s arm and their fingers are entwined. ryan tries to keep his composure, thumb rubbing over matt’s fingers.  
“i’m so excited for tomorrow, ryan. i’ve been waiting for this for a long time.” he yawns, and ryan thinks it’s one of the cutest things he’s ever seen or heard.  
“me too. especially spending it with you guys.” he grins, thinking about the activities ahead.   
“aww, ryan. you’re the only person i’d ever want to explore japan with.” ryan doesn’t really believe that, considering jackson and harrison are asleep in the other room, but he smiles at the idea.  
“same here. you love the culture so much, it’s just fun to see how you react to everything. it’s like hearing a friend talk about something they’re really passionate about. i mean, you are passionate about it. i don’t know, i’m rambling.” ryan paused, waiting to hear something along the lines of ‘nah  
dude i get it’ or ‘you’re not rambling, ryan,’ but it never came. judging by the sound of the slow, deep breathing, and the lack of fidgeting, ryan could tell matt had fallen asleep. 

he expected it. everyone knows matt needs a certain amount of sleep or he becomes an emotionless, drowsy blob that goes through the motions of the day. ryan enjoyed the quiet of the place, hearing the occasional car pass by or a creak from the floors settling. more time to think ryan supposes, but he’s starting to feel his eyelids grow heavy. it’s strange. ryan never actually feels tired, just tells himself that it’s a suitable time to go to sleep and stares at the wall until he finally drifts off. the warm presence of matt at his side, breathing against his shoulder and still holding a tight grip on ryan’s hand, makes ryan feel sleepy. it makes sense, he thinks, that the best friend he loves more than anything is his one solution to insomnia. he wishes they could spoon on the couch instead, carding fingers through matt’s hair and studying his face as he sleeps, arms and legs tangled and breathing in synch. it’s a dream, however. a dream ryan has often.

and tonight, as him and matt lean into each other on the slightly uncomfortable couch, ryan has that dream again.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! please leave ur feedback below, i love u all sm <333


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